Bereavement and Counselling – Grief and bereavement are a normal response to a loss. It might be the loss of a family member, relative or friend or it may be the loss of an item or a family pet. There is no given amount of Time that it takes for someone to feel that they are able to cope with the grief. Nor is there a particular way in which a person should grieve. However, counselling can help a person to talk about their loss and help them to come to a feeling of acceptance.
When you experience a loss you may go into shock and feel numb, not know what you should do. You may feel overwhelmed with sadness and cry a great deal. You might feel tiredness or exhaustion. You might also feel anger towards the person you have lost or guilt, perhaps regarding the things you did or didn’t say. These feelings can be incredibly powerful.
Many people talk about the process or stages of grief and that you might move through, and hopefully you will come to a place of acceptance and adjustment to your loss. However, the process is not always straightforward or a straight line, it is often messy and difficult, and that’s ok, there is no right or wrong.
Important things you can do or remember when you are grieving are these:
- For practical things – do things a step at a time, break things down into small chunks and focus on achieving one thing at a time, not everything all at once.
- Allow yourself support, speak to a friend or family member, helpline or professional.
- In times of stress we will reach to our most familiar or most used coping mechanism, if yours is alcohol, drugs, self-harm or gambling reach out for support as soon as you can.
- Know that there is no time limit to grief and bereavement it takes the time it takes.
There are also lots of online resources for people looking for support and help. AtaLoss.org is a UK website that has a breadth of online resources and signposting, both practical and emotional to help those who have recently lost someone. It founded in 2016 by Yvonne Richmond Tulloch to ensure that every bereaved person in the UK can find the support that they need.
The loss of a beloved pet can be just as traumatic as the loss of a person. In particular since 2020 and the lockdowns that the UK has been through our pets have become especially important in our isolation. We shouldn’t underestimate the impact of loosing them will have on us. The Blue Cross offers a free and confidential Pet Bereavement Service
However, sometimes talking to a professional counsellor and psychotherapist about your loss might be helpful. If you think that Birmingham Counselling and Psychotherapy could help please don’t hesitate to contact me. Please Call me on 07843 813537. Please leave a message if I can’t answer your call and I’ll call you back as soon as possible. If you have any other questions or enquiries please call or send me a message by completing the online enquiry form. Due to COVID I am currently working exclusively online or on the telephone.
Mary Oliver
In Blackwater Woods
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it
go,
to let it go.
